The Best Of Both Worlds

Forbes pantomimes the legendary "Dual-Gender Shocker!"

Since coming out to my family and friends as a bisexual a year ago, I have always struggled with the meaning of the word: bisexual. Not the literal meaning of being sexually attracted to both males and females, but the huge gray area between gay and straight that bisexuals live in. To many, it doesn't matter how I label myself. You like guys equals you’re gay. It reminds me of a joke my dad told me: It doesn't matter what you do in your life. You could be a humanitarian, an astronaut, a war hero. But you fuck one goat…

Some of my friends are warming up to the idea that just because I prefer men over women doesn’t mean that I am going to vomit purses. It doesn’t even mean I dislike women. I don’t find them unattractive, or even less attractive than men. But some of the gay clichés were instantly attached to me and cannot understand why. I’m still me. Actually, I am even more of myself because I am not living in fear anymore. But, I still get gay jokes thrown my way. Not that I don’t appreciate a good joke at my expense, but there is at least a hint of honesty in their humor.

Total disclosure: I do have some tendencies. I wear skinny jeans (more hip than gay, really). I can quote Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. I think Grease is a great movie and I sing along to it. My messy hair look is a little deliberate. I have been on The Sound of Music tour in Salzburg, Austria. I have an affinity for the black woman. Oh, and I like cock.

But I don’t (usually) partake in the “gay” culture that most people think of. I rarely go to the gay club. I’m going to Hopscotch Music Festival, but I am not going anywhere near Pride. I grew up in the 90’s listening to hip-hop, not Madonna. I used to DJ in college, playing underground hip-hop, not techno. I don’t groom my body hair (OK, maybe a little). Oh, and I like pussy.

Just when I think I am comfortable with the whole cluster fuck, two of my closest friends throw a wrench in it. In two separate conversations, I told/bragged to them about my sexual conquest of two different women in two weeks. What made these intimate encounters with my whiskey saturated appendages even more special and worth bragging about was the fact that A. these were the first women I had been with in two years, and B. one of them is a lesbian. A lesbian! That’s like extra-girl.

My buddies, both of whom I have been friends with for over a decade, and both of whom are completely straight, said the exact same thing: “Mmmmaaaannnnnnn… you got the best of both worlds.”

I didn’t know what to say. It has taken me weeks to wrap my brain around this. What did they mean? Maybe they think because I am open to both sexes that my options for dating and late night encounters are less limited. There may be some truth to that, but I hadn’t noticed any changes in my coital patterns. Had they really thought about that statement?

Do they realize that both worlds have fellatio? But, only one world has anilingus consistently.

Do they realize that both worlds have long bouts with depression, sometimes years, in which you avoid your close friends and family, and abuse alcohol and other drugs? One world calls it marriage. The other world calls it the coming out process.

And speaking of marriage, in many places only one world can get married. The other can’t. But, in coming out, one world feels a huge weight lifted. In marriage, one deals with “the ol’ ball and chain.”

Brains think and hearts feel. I have my sexuality figured out in my heart. My head is another matter. Because we need to label things in order to make some general sense of them, I have had a real hard time defining my bisexuality for others. Something that should seem easy gets real complicated when you try to make it easier for others to understand you. Does that make any sense? - Forbes Dixon